Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Thoughts~ quick post

Thoughts flood my mind after I saw an old text from a friend.
I don't know if I necessarily care about how people view me, but when someone pleads with me to be open, to not judge them, to be kind with my words, I have to wonder. Do I come across as judgmental and unwilling to waver in my belief of how things should be?
Now, I'm not saying I need to change how I think because I have firm beliefs that God's way is best. Yeah, humans screw up and twist His words and ideas to fit their purposes. I screwed up, I'll admit that to anyone. But I'd like to believe that with God's help I'm doing better.
But if that means I'm coming across judgmental when I give my beliefs, maybe I'm coming across too strong? Maybe I'm trying too hard to push my beliefs on someone else that I knew once believed the same things I did.
I'm really struggling with this whole idea that my friends aren't willing to come to me with things they need to talk about because I've been "judgmental" towards them in the past. I don't believe Jesus would want it to be this way, but maybe I'm wrong? I never condemn the person, never judge the person, but maybe it comes across that way. And I feel so lost and confused about it. How do I fix this? How do I become someone people want to approach when they're not sure if I'll judge them or be like someone else that judged them?

Thursday, August 14, 2014

"Little Wonders"

"Our lives are made in these small hours
These little wonders, these twists and turns of fate
Time falls away but these small hours
These small hours still remain...." 
As I write this, my 10 month old daughter sleeps in my arms. I can't believe three quarters of the first year of her life have gone by. She's grown so fast. Changed so much. I find it hard to believe she's the same small baby we brought home at the beginning of last October.
I never knew how much I could love someone until Adriana came to be. Even when she was still growing inside, I had this insane, overwhelming feeling to protect her with everything that I have and everything I am. Now that feeling is 10 times stronger.
Our lives are molded from every little thing that happens to us. In my case, I was shaped into who I am today by hurts, regrets, and decisions from my past. And as much as I want this little girl in my arms to not experience any hurt or regret or anything painful, how could she learn and become who she's meant to be without those things?
I'm cherishing the little things, the bigger things and everything in between. All the little steps, the little smiles, the moments where I want to knock my head against a wall because I'm so frustrated with things happening in my life. Because in the end of it all, I am shaped into the person I need to be, and used the way God wants me to be used.
I'm open for anything. Ready to be used. I know all the little moments are little wonders, and those small, seemingly insignificant hours, are what shapes me. Are you ready to cherish every small thing to happen in your life?