Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Seeking...

"Mark well that God doesn't miss a move you make; he's aware of every step you take. The shadow of your sin will overtake you; you'll find yourself stumbling all over yourself in the dark. Death is the reward of an undisciplined life; your foolish decisions trap you in a dead end." Proverbs 5:21-23 (MSG)

Sounds kind of scary doesn't it? And well it should. A life full of sin leads to a dead end. No one wants to hear that. No one wants to even read that. I think that's why it caught my eye the other day when it popped up on my phone, as the verse of the day.

God knows every move you make. I've been taught that ever since I was younger. God watches every move. He's all-knowing, all-powerful, all-seeing. To be truthful, that used to scare me. Sometimes, it still scares me. To know that the Creator of the whole universe is watching me. That He knows my name. Knows my cries, knows how many strands of hair is on my head.

As small as I feel sometimes, I know God sees me, knows me better than I know myself. Every move I make, He knows. And yet He still wants me to be His child. As much as I feel like I've screwed up, He still pleads for my soul. He still wants my love. And as much as I feel like I've screwed up, I'm going to grasp for His Hand time and time again. I'm going to claim His love. I'm going to seek His presence day in and day out. That's the only way I know how to survive this crazy thing called life.

Not only am I seeking His presence, but I seek God's guidance. For raising my daughter, for my marriage, for how to show His love at work. I don't want to be stumbling over myself in my attempts to cover up sin or anything that I feel ashamed of; Jesus' blood has covered those.

One thing I need to remind myself constantly is to stop taking the sins back that I've confessed. I have the tendency to think "what if I had done this differently? I wish I had done this, or that. what if this had never happened?" But I've come to realize that those what if's and I wish's are just sucking energy and joy from my life. I took the path I took, and God is still crying my name. Even if there are days that I don't feel deserving of His love and mercy, I know He will extend it. Until my very last day on this earth, I will seek Him and desire Him above all else.

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